Thursday, October 26, 2017


I threw black belt today. Yes, it was a wimpy little white belt throw, but I did it.

I sit here while my restorative yoga class cooks in their poses almost in tears. Feeling so weak, so overwhelmed by many of the circumstances of my life.  So helpless, tearful even. There are things beyond my control,  and I want to control them. There are random things that make me cry, like the end of the book of Mark. Like this class right now. Like the construction at my home. Like my age and my husband's age. Like my children who I cannot save or help. Like my parents that are always getting older. Like my anxiety.

But in the middle of this feeling of weakness I remember, I threw a black belt today. And that grounds me, centers me, reminds me that I am strong. I can do this thing called life even when I feel weak.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

turning the tables

Name randomly selected.  Consider turning the tables on this letter….

As it stands now Susie’s life has been deeply altered forever by the events of Jan 17th and 18th. She will never be her happy go lucky self with that easy going personality and welcoming smile. Her every waking minute is consumed with worry, anxiety, fear and depression. You can see it in her face, the way she walks, her weakened voice, her lack of appetite. Susie always enjoyed certain types of food and is a very good cook herself. I was always excited to buy her a big ribeye steak to grill or to get her favorite snack for her. I had to make sure to hide my favorite pretzels or chips because I knew they wouldn’t be around long after Susie walked in from a long swim practice. Now she barely consumes any food and eats only to exist. These verdicts have broken and shattered her and our family in so many ways. Her life will never be the one she dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of his action out of her 20 plus years of life. The fact that she now has to live with being a sexual assault survivor for the rest of her life alters where she will live, visit, work, and how she will be able to interact with people and organizations. What I know as her father is that this imprisonment is not the appropriate burden for Susie. She had never been sexually promiscuous before and has never been violent before including her actions on the night of Jan 17th 2015. Susie can do many positive things as a contributor to society and is totally committed to educating other college age students about the rape culture that continues to dominate college campuses. By having people like Susie educate others on college campuses is how society can begin to break the cycle of sexual assault and its unfortunate results. Ending the rape culture is the best answer for Susie in this situation and allows her to feel safe to give back to society in a net positive way.

Very Respectfully,

Susie’s Pretend Dad, but really just me Beth Novian Hughes one more appalled woman

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Personal practice journal entries for 1/25/14

Pre – I don’t want to do this been working on papers, its 4:30 still in PJs and its freezing outside. I just want to hibernate.

Post – I am transformed. I started sitting in a chair doing some poses in the chair, caught some energy and flowed thru standing poses and headstand, ending back in the chair, all to the beautiful music of Ray LaMontagne – Till the Sun Turns Black. I love the freedom of the free flow of my private practice. Feeding my own soul with whatever it needs without consideration of anyone else’s needs, just mine. This is the difference between a daily private practice and teaching daily from the mat.
Love Peace Namaste’

Friday, September 30, 2011

Tuning fork update

So I am still using the DnA tuning forks daily. 

I have also started having reiki and accupuncture treatments.  The accupuncture basically took my depression symptoms away, like right away! Highly recommend Meritt Malof at the Energy Center if you are interested.  Meritt noticed that my upper chakras are completely clear.  Wondering if the tuning forks have anything to do with this as I only use them around my ears. So I am trying to remember to use the forks on all 7 chakras daily to see if there is a difference.  Check back later!

It is really a good thing I am doing all of this as life is kind of hard right now.


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Today is the 10th Anniversary of 9/11...

As I began my meditation this morning I set my intension on only being positive today and not offering anything negative up to the unity consciousness of the world. (For me the full moon happening on the 12th makes positive energy even harder to access).

As I sat I began to follow the guided breathing that I use to begin most of my classes, breathe in what you need and breathe out what no longer serves you.  I found myself listing so many things I need but the basic inhalation was one of love and the exhales began as one of hate but quickly moved to a more neutral thought. 
As I was doing this I reflected back to my childhood when my mother tried to teach me to pray and she would suggest things I should pray for.  But all I could think was if God knows all then my prayers are all ready know and why do I have to say or think them?  Already a mediator at the age of 5!  So I would sit there.  
As an adult clearing my thoughts is sometimes a struggle.  Today it suddenly dawned on me that this is not a bad thing, this is the next level. Prayer should be mindful thought.  Prayer is not a subconscious automatic activity or a recitation, although these are great steps along the way.  Prayer, at least for me at this time, needs to be a practice of mindfulness of thoughts.  Be totally conscious and in the moment with everything we are saying.  Not asking for change but asking for acceptance in a very intentional, mindful way.  To me this is a deeper thought, for you maybe it is automatic.  It feels enlightening.  So as I breathe in I mindfully think about love and all the manifestations of love (to me) in the world, and as I breathe out I lovingly offer up the things that no longer serve me graciously, and mindfully, thanking them for their service to me and offering them up to their next use in the universe.
Namaste' have a great day

Friday, August 19, 2011

I'm a Good Girl I am!

My Fair Lady Clip (Really only the first two minutes)

I am happy, I am good, I am happy, I am good

Sat Nam, Sat Nam, Sat Nam ji, Waheguru, Waheguru, Waheguru ji.

Sat Nam, Sat Nam, Sat Nam ji, Waheguru, Waheguru, Waheguru ji.

Sat Nam: Truth is the Identity of the Divine One within all beings. Truth is God’s Name.

Waheguru: Great and wonderful is the experience of the Divine One who brings us into light.

ji: Divine soul, within each of us and within all beings.
These are the words and their meaning to chant I have been doing with the kids at SOW, the homeless shelter where I do Karma yoga. This is on Shakta Kaur Khalsa’sCD Happy.  The chant has drums and voices only.  There are hand motions that go with it.  It is repeated twice spoken, twice whispered, twice in silence (so only the hand motions and the drums are available…everything else is internal) then back to twice whispered and closing with twice spoken. I find this chant is so powerful for these children that are in a position of powerlessness in their lives.  Unfortunately I greatly appreciate what these children go through every day.

I’ve noticed over time that the children crave this song.  Today I didn’t even introduce it I just began playing it and everyone, even the 2 year old, knew exactly what to do even before the words started.  They have begun to do the whole thing with eyes closed, even deeper internalization of the words they are speaking.  I don’t even care what they think of the Hindu words, simply repeating aloud IAM HAPPY I AM GOOD and the unspoken fall out of that… AND IT DOESN’T MATTER WHERE I AM OR WHAT HAPPENS NEXT OR WHAT CAME BEFORE, I’M A GOOD PERSON. We all create our own happiness.

This group is so fluid; people come and go from this place. Yet we never seem to back track at all, one group builds on the work already done by the prior group.  To me this further shows the interconnectedness of all of us.

And I think personally I need this weekly reminder for myself to be happy and that I am good.

Namaste’ have a great day

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Old Blog post from Nov 25, 2005...

What I am most Thankful for:

What a cliché question. That really deserves a serious answer. I guess if I had to sum it up in a word what I am most thankful for is LIFE. Yes LIFE. If you think about this word the answer has several layers. 

LIFE begins and we are safely sheltered by our loving parents until we are old enough to repeat the cycle. But much happens during this period of growing up. For some childhood is idyllic with a nice home, parents, neighborhood, etc. For far more, childhood can be a challenge. With the divorce rate so high it is no wonder there are more troubled children and teens than ever before. But LIFE goes on. The hope is that we come out of whatever situation we were raised in stronger and better than we went in, and determined not to repeat the mistakes of the past. For children the continuation of LIFE beyond childhood is something to be thankful for.

LIFE continues as we raise our own children, or choose to even have them. I am pro LIFE and would never have an abortion. When I think about the sleepless nights, worry, messy bedrooms, nagging, cat fights…ok let me try again…the giggles, smiles, hugs, proud moments, etc. that I would have missed if I had had an abortion it gives me pause. Anyone contemplating this should seriously consider what they are doing. To turn your back on LIFE is counterproductive. And if you made the child you certainly are old enough to take responsibility for it. I don’t normally preach on this point, certainly I understand that my opinion is in the minority today. But I have the right to choose, I choose LIFE, and my children.

LIFE beyond kids is what you make of it. Personally I am trying to grab LIFE by the balls and go for as much as I can get. You might ask go for as much what? Well take your pick…Love, Education, Career, Fitness, Spirituality and Music…basically anything that is important to you. This is my list; your list will be completely different. Money is not on my list. Yes we need it to live a nice LIFE, but I truly think that if the other things on my list are part of my LIFE then money no longer has any importance. You may say, well that’s easy for you to say you have money. But the money came because both Terry and I followed our bliss and our lists (take music off of his and insert aviation).

LIFE and science has always been awesome to me. How so much can come from one cell. One tiny cell with a standard structure, repeated endlessly in nature. Look under a microscope and you are looking at the universe. Then add in the possibility of quantum physics and it just blows my mind. It shows the all LIFE is ultimately connected. What I do affects you and what you do affects me. How we treat each other, and nature, and this planet affects all of our futures. LIFE is a treasure not to be wasted or mistreated, but to be savored, enjoyed, and protected.

Being a Christian I need to close with my thankfulness for one person that gave his LIFE for all of us. What an awesome sacrifice! I cannot begin to imagine. If Christ can do this for me, I need to be the best I can be, and I know I still won't measure up. But that's ok because my inadequacies will be forgiven. So I thank God.

LIFE is what I am thankful for. I am trying to make mine the best I can. Are You?